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Dishing Out Chores

Oct 24, 2013 04:44PM ● Published by tina

Relationships with Terah Harrison

Chores are a common source of conflict for couples. Usually, one person is more concerned with order and cleanliness than the other, which can make for a really nice balance if the couple has a plan and communicates effectively around this issue — it can go south really fast if the couple does not have a chore system in place.

This situation might sound familiar: It is day three of the dirty dishes standoff. The counter is covered in stacked dishes, and the kitchen is starting to smell a bit funny. I am a little worried there could be a family of small insects that have made a home in a coffee cup or on a sticky, jam-covered plate. I can’t stand even one dirty dish on a counter and am liable to take your cup from you to wash it before you are even finished with your drink. My husband, however, is content to let dishes sit until he can “get around” to washing them. I have realized over time that he often doesn’t even see the things that really bother me regarding cleanliness. It is his job to do the dishes, so I am really trying not to freak out all over him about all of the imagined bacteria colonizing our home, but I am at my wits’ end. He has no idea what’s going on inside my head and is happily watching the stock market in his office while I am practicing deep-yoga breathing to calm myself.

It is helpful for many couples to establish duties for each person. Deciding on chores based on internal motivation to do them is a great system. If one of you hates vacuuming and the other loves it, it is natural for the person who enjoys the chore to assume the task. Sometimes, one of you is more particular about how a certain chore is done (i.e. the person who takes baths might want a cleaner tub than the one who takes a shower). Sometimes there are chores that spark no internal motivation, so then it is a good idea to build a reward into the chore. Usually the reward for my husband doing the dishes is that I make dinner. This doesn’t always work on weekends when we might go out to eat (hence the three-day standoff) but is generally a good motivation for him to get the counter cleared. If you’re doing the chore together, then perhaps reward yourself with a trip to the movies or something else you both enjoy.

Don’t let chores become a vehicle for controlling your partner. If you make the list of chores, be sure you give your partner choices. Also, let your partner do the chore on his or her time and in the way he or she wants to do the chore. Trying to dictate how the towels are folded just creates more conflict. Learning to accept that others do things differently — and that’s okay — is a great life lesson. Also, when asking your partner to do something, “please” and “thank you” go a long way. Appreciation and politeness make more of a difference than we often realize.

In the end, the dishes get done, and I learned a great lesson in letting go while practicing my breathing techniques and finding peace in dirty dishes chaos.

Terah Harrison

Terah Harrison is a licensed professional counselor and owner of Therapeutically Chosen, LLC, where she specializes in relationship counseling for singles and couples as well as matchmaking

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    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/27/2017
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Gift of Lights 2017

    12/27/2017
    06:00PM

    The Gift of Lights is a Texas-sized Drive Thru light park hosted at Texas Motor Speedway with a p...


  • Winter Mystery Basket Camp (Ages 4-8)

    12/28/2017
    09:00AM — 12:00PM

    Calling all chefs! Cooking shows have nothing on Taste Buds Kitchen's tasty cooking extravaganzas...


  • Winter Mystery Basket Camp (Ages 9-Teen)

    12/28/2017
    01:00PM — 04:00PM

    Calling all chefs! Cooking shows have nothing on Taste Buds Kitchen's tasty cooking extravaganzas...


  • Extreme Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/28/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Unleash your inner elf during Vetro’s Extreme Ornament Help-Create events, *select dates and time...


  • Traditional Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/28/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Bring the kids and drop in for one of Vetro’s Traditional Ornament Help-Create events, *select da...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    12/28/2017
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    12/28/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/28/2017
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Gift of Lights 2017

    12/28/2017
    06:00PM

    The Gift of Lights is a Texas-sized Drive Thru light park hosted at Texas Motor Speedway with a p...


  • Winter Mystery Basket Camp (Ages 4-8)

    12/29/2017
    09:00AM — 12:00PM

    Calling all chefs! Cooking shows have nothing on Taste Buds Kitchen's tasty cooking extravaganzas...


  • Winter Mystery Basket Camp (Ages 9-Teen)

    12/29/2017
    01:00PM — 04:00PM

    Calling all chefs! Cooking shows have nothing on Taste Buds Kitchen's tasty cooking extravaganzas...


  • Extreme Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/29/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Unleash your inner elf during Vetro’s Extreme Ornament Help-Create events, *select dates and time...


  • Traditional Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/29/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Bring the kids and drop in for one of Vetro’s Traditional Ornament Help-Create events, *select da...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    12/29/2017
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    12/29/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/29/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Gift of Lights 2017

    12/29/2017
    06:00PM

    The Gift of Lights is a Texas-sized Drive Thru light park hosted at Texas Motor Speedway with a p...


  • PARTY ON!

    12/29/2017
    07:00PM — 10:30PM

    Join us each Friday night for our weekly ballroom dance party! A great mix of ballroom, latin, c...


  • Extreme Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/30/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Unleash your inner elf during Vetro’s Extreme Ornament Help-Create events, *select dates and time...


  • Traditional Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/30/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Bring the kids and drop in for one of Vetro’s Traditional Ornament Help-Create events, *select da...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    12/30/2017
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    12/30/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/30/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Gift of Lights 2017

    12/30/2017
    06:00PM

    The Gift of Lights is a Texas-sized Drive Thru light park hosted at Texas Motor Speedway with a p...


  • Extreme Ornament Help-Create Events

    12/31/2017
    02:00PM — 06:00PM

    Unleash your inner elf during Vetro’s Extreme Ornament Help-Create events, *select dates and time...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    12/31/2017
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    12/31/2017
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    12/31/2017
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • Ring in New Years Eve at Truluck's

    12/31/2017
    05:00PM — 12:00AM

    This New Year's Eve (December 31), Truluck's has two options for diners to ring in the New Year: ...


  • Toast to the New Year with Moët & Chandon champagne and a five-course dinner in LAW before dancin...


  • New Year's Day Hangover Brunch at Four Seasons

    01/01/2018
    10:00AM — 02:00PM

    Start 2018 off right with an indulgent brunch and build your own Bloody Mary bar in LAW.


  • New Year's Day Hangover Brunch at Four Seasons

    01/01/2018
    10:00AM — 02:00PM

    Start 2018 off right with an indulgent brunch and build your own Bloody Mary bar in LAW.


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    01/01/2018
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • Enchant Christmas Light Maze & Market

    01/01/2018
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    The Lone Star State is about to get a lot brighter as Enchant, The World's Largest Christmas Ligh...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    01/01/2018
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    01/02/2018
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    01/02/2018
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    01/03/2018
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    01/03/2018
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    01/04/2018
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    01/04/2018
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    01/05/2018
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    01/05/2018
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    01/06/2018
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    01/06/2018
    05:00PM — 11:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    01/07/2018
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    01/07/2018
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


  • Holiday in the Park 2017

    01/08/2018
    02:00PM — 10:00PM

    Holiday in the Park is back for select days from November 17-January 7 at Six Flags Over Texas. I...


  • 2017 Magical Winter Lights

    01/08/2018
    05:00PM — 10:00PM

    Magical Winter Lights is a spectacular, larger-than-life festival that presents a fresh multicult...


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