Relationships with Terah Harrison
When askedbrabout our weekend plans, my husband usually answers, “I've got a big daybrtomorrow." It's actually a pretty nice little Saturday. We're going to go tobrHome Depot, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. MaybebrBed Bath & Beyond — I don't know. I don't know if we'll have enough time.” Thisbris a normal Saturday for many of us. It also happens to be a quote from thebrmovie Old School, demonstrating how the main character's marriage has gonebrstale. Soccer games, graduations, play dates, grocery shopping and variousbrother family obligations often overtake weekends and time away from work. Webrcan operate like this for months or even years until we slam into the fact thatbrwe are missing something essential in our lives that used to be so easy and fun.brSure, we have a good time with our kids and families, and sometimes that bigbrtrip to the hardware store can be enjoyable, but what about thatbradrenaline-pumping, exciting, sky-is-the-limit fun we had as kids andbrteenagers? It's out there — and attainable for any couple.
As a therapist specializing in relationships, I often see how the loss ofbrfun and friendship in a couple's partnership can lead to a strugglingbrrelationship. The friendship you have with your mate forms the basis of abrhealthy relationship. If a friend only wanted to do boring things and talked solelybrabout his or her children, you probably wouldn't want to hang out with thatbrperson very often. When a marriage has no fun in it, you begin to associatebryour partner with negative feelings and drudgery, and this eventually leads to disconnectionbrand loss of intimacy.
Bringing excitement into your marriage takes a little bit of planning,brflexibility and a lot of spontaneity. On the planning end of things, makebrplaytime with your partner a priority in your schedule. Establishing a regularbrdate night or day ensures that both of you know connecting in this way is important.brMy husband and I have rituals we call “Terahntine's Day” and “Jeffentine's Day.”brThey evolved from creating a male version of Valentine's Day into each of usbrhaving a special date tailored to our individual preferences once a month. Thisbrgives us both the opportunity to have a day that is all about us without havingbrto compromise — after all, a man's ideal date is quite often very differentbrthan a woman's.
To be spontaneous, try to rewind a bit and remember the things youbrenjoyed as a kid. Water-gun fights, hide-and-seek, playing pranks and justbrbeing silly in general aren't just activities for children — get creative tobrmake them more adult. You can also think back to date activities you enjoyed asbra teenager such as bowling, miniature golf, arcades (Dave & Buster's is abrgreat adult arcade), playing in the park at night (just don't get caught!) orbrdrive-in movie theaters. Any one of these can bring back that sense of magicbrand possibility as a couple.
As adults, we often get bogged down in our obligations and everyday toil,brbut bringing some of that childlike excitement and fun into our lives leads tobra balanced and fulfilling existence. Sharing it with our partners will not onlybrenrich their lives but also feed our relationships.
Terah Harrison is a licensed professional counselor and owner of Therapeutically Chosen, LLC, where she specializes in relationship counseling for singles and couples as well as matchmaking.