Many working moms try to do it all. They pack lunches and plan budgets, help with homework and hold staff meetings, give high fives and offer handshakes. It’s a swirling mélange of joys and responsibilities, both personally and professionally. However, by pouring so much into others, many women find that their own cups run dry. In their pursuit of a work-life balance, women often end up depleted.
It’s no surprise that many working moms run on empty. Workplace burnout is an occupational phenomenon. A recent Gallup survey shows nearly one in four employees feel burned out always or often, and another 44% say they feel burned out sometimes. Moms who aren’t in the workforce can also experience burnout, according to the National Institute of Health. Homemakers can suffer from the effects of overwork or chronic stress, just as those who report to a job.
Southlake mom and Texas Restaurant Association (TRA) CEO Emily Williams Knight says it doesn’t have to be this way. She wants women to know that a full life shouldn’t be a delicate balancing act but a beautiful blend.
A Seat At The Table
With more than 20 years of experience and success in national and global leadership positions, Knight knows what it takes to thrive in the workplace and to blaze new trails. She took the helm at the TRA on August 1, becoming the first female leader in the organization’s 82-year history. Only 23% of her 118 board members are women. In a season of change, Knight is confident and excited about what lies ahead for the association and the restaurant industry.
“I have to remain true to what helped me be successful while being nimble enough to assimilate,” says Knight. “If I hire the right people, hold them accountable and lead from the front, I can expect great things.”
The TRA represents the state’s $66 billion restaurant industry, which is comprised of more than 48,000 locations and boasts a workforce that’s 1.34 million employees strong. Knight has a big ambition for the TRA — to be the nation’s No. 1 state association.
Knight’s background and track record of success indicate she has every intention of getting there. Knight holds a doctorate in higher education leadership from Walden University, an honorary doctorate of humane letters from Newbury College in Brookline, Mass., a master’s degree in management from Troy University in Troy, Alabama, a bachelor’s degree in hospitality administration from Boston University and an associate’s degree in hotel and restaurant administration from Newbury College.
Knight has led student recruitment for two of the world’s top five hospitality schools and advocated for skills training programs to fill the growing number of restaurant and hospitality job openings. She’s also a member of several boards and committees, volunteering her knowledge and insights for the betterment of the restaurant industry.
There’s no denying that Knight is an accomplished business executive and leader who’s at the forefront of a massive industry. But that’s not all there is to her.
Life Intermingled
Like many other women in business, Knight is also a wife and a mom. She and her husband of 24 years, Alec, are parents to twin 13-year-old daughters, Elizabeth and Olivia. They also have a rescue dog named Murphy. In the past 24 years, their family has moved nine times.
“I wouldn’t have achieved what I have without Alec,” she says. “He’s such an unsung hero.”
While she’s grateful for her husband, she admits that for many years, she struggled to find that elusive work-life balance so many seek. She divided her life into neat categories: home and work. With two sides of her life competing for her attention, Knight often felt like she wasn’t doing enough. If she missed a conference call, she felt guilty as a professional. If she took the call, she felt like she wasn’t being a good mom.
“Many women are taught that you can’t show fear or emotion. You just try to fit into your work environment,” she says. “I drew lines between work and family, but then I realized that work and personal life are allies.”
Knight says that when she acknowledged she’s a parent, a wife, a friend, an employee and so much more, her well-being improved immensely.
“I started calling it ‘the blend,’” she says. “The most empowering moment was when I realized there isn’t such a thing as balance. Balance doesn’t exist because no two days are alike.”
Sometimes, Knight is sitting in a business meeting hundreds of miles from her Southlake home. Other times, she’s cheering on her daughters at a sporting event. Both are important, but Knight no longer feels the need to restore balance on one side or the other. Instead, she blends.
At work, her team sees her as much as an executive as they do a wife and mom. Knight says that by blending parts of her life instead of compartmentalizing different roles, she has become a better and more empathetic leader.
“When I can show the whole Emily, my team sees me as more accessible and approachable,” she says. “I no longer have two sides to my life. I’m a combination of both.”
In blending, Knight often turns to her village, which includes her husband and other moms. She works in tandem with Alec to make sure their daughters have what they need. Knight might be leading a meeting across the globe, but she still checks in to make sure Elizabeth and Olivia have their water bottles for practice.
When Knight is traveling and can’t attend her daughters’ basketball games, she’s thankful for the moms who take pictures.
“I need others to find that blend,” she says. “I’ve had to let go of being a strong Type A woman and be vulnerable sometimes. When we all work together, we’re so much stronger.”
Knight recognizes the importance of village members coming together for a common goal and embraces a spirit of generosity with her own resources and experience. A perfect example is her efforts in taking the stage and inspiring her community at Southlake Style’s Women’s Luncheon. And in her new role heading up the TRA, she’s eager to help restaurant owners and their communities thrive. She travels around the state meeting with TRA members to discuss issues of local interest and impact.
“I’ve always been mission driven,” Knight says. “I always look for the tangible impact.”
Moderation Is Key
In learning how to blend, Knight has also discovered the value of saying no. When demands for her time start to stack up, Knight considers whether they’re aligned with a work or personal goal. If they’re not, she says no — and owns the outcome. She realizes she may hurt someone’s feelings or end up disappointed sometimes, but that’s part of the blend.
Knight calls this “learning not to be liked.” She says that whether women are leaders at home, in the office or in their peer group, they’ll sometimes have to make decisions that aren’t popular to all.
“Women have to learn how to say no. You can’t do it all,” she says. “You have to guard your time as carefully as you can. You also have to be OK with your decision because that decision is what’s right for you.”
Early in her career, Knight often fulfilled every request that came her way. She would hop from fundraising event to fundraising event because she had the perceived notion that she would damage her career if she wasn’t there.
“I didn’t know how to say no,” admits Knight. “I spent my early years trying to please everyone.”
Now, Knight calls herself a “ruthless prioritizer.” She fiercely protects her time and is intentional about what she takes on. Knight says she gained a new perspective on life during one of her many international business trips.
On March 8, 2014, there were two Malaysia Airline flights from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing, China. Knight was fortunate to be confirmed on the flight that departed six hours after the ill-fated MH370 that disappeared over the Indian Ocean. It took Knight 24 hours to get back home and months before she could board a plane again.
Knight says that while she has always been a joyful person, that day sparked a renewed sense of purpose in her.
“Things changed for me that day. I went through some serious reflection and considered whether my priorities are in line,” she says. “I recognized that I need to see everyone as a human and value who they are. It really made me a different person.”
Knight isn’t afraid to prioritize now and maintains a don’t-miss-the-big-stuff rule with her family. No matter how hectic her travel schedule, Knight is always there for birthdays, holidays and first days of school. She has even taken red-eye flights so she can go trick-or-treating with her daughters. It’s nourishing for her soul to spend time with her family and to also find joy in her career.
Savoring The Good
Letting go of the pressure to do it all, Knight is free to enjoy life to the fullest. An ideal weekend for her involves ordering meals in, finding a great family movie on Netflix and relaxing on the couch with Alec and their girls.
For Knight, it comes down to being honest about what matters most.
“As a woman, take a step back and think about how you’re investing your time,” she says. “Have you created some type of false narrative that has you running in a direction that doesn’t align with your core? When you get back in alignment, you’re so much happier.”
It’s only natural to crave a blissful life, and fortunately, the recipe is simple. Shake off expectations, season with the good stuff and blend well.
Learn more about Knight at Southlake Style’s fourth annual Women’s Luncheon, “Feeding the Soul,” on October 10 at The Marq. Knight will be the keynote speaker and will be a part of the day’s panel discussion featuring Patti Johnson, Jamé Scott, Elizabeth Perez and Julie Thannum. You can purchase tickets at 817Tix.com. Ten percent of ticket sales will benefit GRACE’s Transitional Housing program and Susan G. Komen's Race for the Cure.