Obi-Wan used his words and hands to persuade others to believe what he said
Relationships by Terah Harrison
In the movie Star Wars,brObi-Wan Kenobi used the Jedi mind-trick to persuade Imperial stormtroopers tobrsimply move along. He did this by just waving his hand and telling the guardsbrwhat to think and say. Obi-Wan didn’t have this skill from birth. He wentbrthrough extensive training to develop it. Well — and I’m speaking to the guysbrhere — there’s a mind-trick that works on women, but it takes training tobrmaster.
When a man approaches another man to talk about something,brhe expects to state a problem and receive a solution. Problem solving comesbrnaturally to men — no wonder many want to solve the problems that women discussbrwith them. This might be a mistake. Often, a woman isn’t looking for a solutionbrwhen talking to you. If she it, she’ll ask for it. What she might be lookingbrfor is a simple connection through emotions.
The key to listening to a woman is a little phrase calledbrreflective listening, which can sound like you’re just repeating back to your partnerbrwhat she just said, but you’re not. What a woman needs is for you to understandbrhow she feels about what she isbrtelling you. Reflective listening isn’t about words, it’s about emotion. Herbrfacial expressions, body language, tone of voice and pace of words can be morebrimportant than the words themselves. For example, if your wife approaches you wantingbrto talk, you may notice her hands crossed in front of her body, her footbrtapping and a grimace on her face. With a tense voice she speaks of her day atbrwork. Your first instinct may be to offer advice, but try to refrain andbrinstead deduce her mood from the clues thrown off by her body language. Try throwingbrout an emotion such as, “That’s frustrating!” See what happens. If you’rebrright, score! If you are wrong, that’s okay too. Most likely, that’ll open upbrthe conversation so she’ll tell you how she is really feeling. Either way, shebris probably thinking you are a pretty great guy for trying to understand.
When women talk to each other they are generally seekingbrconnection through conversation. When women talk to men, they are expecting thebrsame. This is where women go wrong. It is important for women to understandbrthat men are not wired to understand feelings through conversation, and it’sbrdifficult for them to do so. It can be frustrating for men to not be able tobrsolve a problem when presented with one. When talking to a man, help him helpbryou by being up front about what you need in a conversation. This can soundbrlike, “I don’t need you to solve this for me; I just need you to listen.”
Obi-Wan used his words and his hands to persuade others tobrbelieve what he said. I am not suggesting you try this exactly — waving yourbrhands in front of your partner’s face will probably just make you look silly.brThe human version of this mind-trick involves identifying what she is feelingbrand then telling her. She will then feel validated, and you will become her ObibrWan. This is not a skill easily developed — it might even take Jedi-likebrtraining to master.
Terah Harrison is a licensed professional counselor and owner of Therapeutically Chosen, LLC, where she specializes in relationship counseling for singles and couples as well as matchmaking.