By Leah Spina
In the mornings when we are all getting readybrfor the day, I often lay out my five-year-old Samson's clothes and tell him tobrget dressed and brush his teeth by himself. Then I whisk two-year-old Esther awaybrto help her get ready for the day. She cannot do anything by herself, butbr(hurrah!) Samson can now do a lot of things by himself!
However, my heart melts when Samson oftenbrtags in after us after a few minutes, "Mom! I need your help!" Hisbrface is covered by his pajama top and he's "faking" that he can't getbrit off his head. At first I was frustrated at him asking for help on somethingbrhe could do himself when I was already busy helping Esther and had breakfast tobrfix, lunches to prepare, etc. But then I realized, even though Samson can do abrlot of things independently, he still wants to be with us and be included. It'sbrnot fun being sent away by yourself to get ready when you hear Mom and littlebrsister giggling in the next room.
Of course there is a balance in teaching yourbrchild to do what they don't want to do each day. But on this one, I reallybrdon't mind "helping" Samson with his pajama shirt. It takes twobrseconds and I try to show Samson extra love when I take it off, "There youbrgo, honey! Love you!"
It happens subtly, but one day your firstbrborn is all grown up, requiring much less care. Now most of your time is spentbrtaking care of the younger one, or ones.
But remember that even though your oldestbrchild may no longer require the constant caretaking of your younger children,brthey still want to be included and loved. Theybrno longer need diapers, or someone to feed them or carry them to the car. Butbrwe can still STOP in our day to show love to them and make them feel included.brHere's some ways I try to show love to Samson:
- we try to play a board game or read a bookbroutloud each day when Esther naps. (Maybe find a game or activity you can bothbrenjoy together that's your default way to build fun memories - that's thebrbeauty of an older child!)
- I try to proactively give him a hug when hebrwakes up, when he returns home and at night (think about it - when childrenbrgrow older, they require less caretaking and, that's a lot less affection).
- I try to take him on errands just bybrhimself, when I can, so I can concentrate on him and answer his 10,000brquestions the entire car ride
- I try to make Samson feel important bybrgiving him jobs that only "big boys" can do, and then I tell his dadbrall about the kind things he did and tasks he accomplished that day overbrmealtimes
One of my favorite things I love about havingbryoung children is how they are my constant shadows as we go about the day. If Ibrneed to go complete something upstairs at my desk, I soon hear the patter ofbrlittle feet coming up and soon, there we all are in the playroom. If I need tobrthrow some make-up on before we run out the door, there are my two littlebrcomrades playing beside me in my bathroom as I put mascara on. I wouldn't tradebrit for the world. Try tobrremember to include your oldest in your daily routines so that they still feelbrloved and valued, even if they are big girls and boys now. They were our firstbrbabies, after all, and still need their mamas.
Leah Spina is a former journalist of a nationalbrnewsweekly turned stay-at-home mom to three children, age five and under. Shebrlives in the Dallas area with her husband, David, and is a speaker to mombrgroups and conferences. Her book Stop and Smell Your Children: Laugh and Enjoybrthe Little Years helps parents to enjoy, not just endure, the little years bybrchanging their parenting perspective. It launches in October and is availablebrfor preorder now on Amazon. Visit leahspina.com to subscribe to Leah’s blog,brand follow her on Instagram (leahthespina) and Facebook. When Leah is notbrburning macaroni and cheese, she enjoys singing Italian opera, riding horsesbrand drinking inordinate amounts of Starbucks coffee.