Learning to accept gifts of love from the heart is as important as giving them
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Submitted by Terah Harrison
It's that timebrof year again - filled with romance, love and the ever-present barrage ofbrjewelry ads. We see scenes of ecstatic women opening up little boxes whilebrtheir proud spouses look on in the background. As she wraps her arms around himbrhe knows he has chosen the perfect gift for her. The ad usually ends with thebrwoman showing off her beautiful jewelry and with a twinkle in her eye tellingbrthe audience, “He went to _______.” What we don't know is that her twinkle isbractually a twitch caused by the anxiety she feels attempting to receive such abrgift.
Gifts are notbronly presents but can come in many forms. They can also be words ofbraffirmation, gifts of service, quality time or physical touch. Being able tobrreceive gifts from others means that the receiver must be able to make him orbrherself vulnerable and open enough to accept what is being given. We all havebrwounds from our pasts that may cause us to feel we are not valuable enough tobrreceive gifts of love. Maybe you were the oldest in your family and had to takebrcare of your siblings and now it is difficult to let someone nurture you. Maybebryou only heard words of criticism and now it is hard to absorb words of praise.brYou could have grown up in a family that was not physically affectionate and sobrit is hard to accept touch. Maybe the presents you received were not things youbrreally wanted but you felt the need to accept them because you didn't have abrvoice. We bring all of these wounds into our relationships and so when those webrlove offer us gifts, we may not see them for what they are and therefore, webrmay not be able to freely receive them.
Closingbrourselves off from receiving gifts affords a sense of control because we arebrnot challenging the messages that we received since childhood. This behaviorbrmay feel safe but can ultimately be destructive and keep us from true intimacy.brLet me give you an example of something that happened to me. I generally cookbrdinner but one night I was working late. When I got home, my husband pointed tobrthe table and announced as proudly as the guys in the jewelry ads that he hadbrmade dinner. I found myself really upset with him. I realized I was stuck in mybrpattern of having difficulty letting others take care of me as I am morebrcomfortable in the role of the caregiver. I had to push through thosebruncomfortable feelings of receiving a nurturing act and finally thanked him forbrhis gift. With a twinkle in my eye, I sat down at the table and announced tobrour dog, “He went to Kroger.”
This Valentine's Day as we are gearing up forbrromance let's try to focus on opening ourselves to receiving what those we lovebrin our lives are offering us. The present that comes in the little blue box isbreasy to see but it's more difficult to understand and accept what the giftbrmeans to you. We may overlook meaningful gifts given to us every day, such asbrrunning errands all day together, providing encouragement, making a favoritebrmeal for dinner, or giving a simple hug. When we open ourselves up to receivingbrlove, it is amazing how much our relationships can grow and ultimately heal us.
Terah Harrison is a LicensedbrProfessional Counselor and owner of Therapeutically Chosen, LLC where shebrspecializes in relationship counseling for singles and couples as well asbrmatchmaking. She focuses on helping clients work through past and presentbrrelationship patterns in order to heal old wounds and foster growth in currentbrrelationships.